How to Write an Effective Online Dating Personals Ad

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Meeting the right girl is a grueling process. Getting set up with a friend of a friend can come with baggage, and meeting women at bars often lead to nothing more than an awkward, hungover conversation the next morning.

 

So it's important for single guys to branch out and expand their options. One way to do this is through the online personals ad. Sure, it's an annoying, somewhat-demeaning process of selling yourself, but at least booze and pressure from friends don't interfere. 

Whether you're putting together a sophisticated profile on a high-IQ Ivy League match site like OkCupid or Loveawake, or trying to get a little afternoon delight via Craigslist's Casual Encounters, you should take a few simple rules to heart:

Pick a relatively neutral username and subject heading.

Even if a girl seems perfect for you, the handle BulimiaBabe23 would probably give you pause before you craft a response. Likewise, try to avoid sounding like a jackass from the outset by avoiding names like SkullcrusherXXL, BoobyParty69, and the ever-popular FootLong1. 

 

Be detailed about what you want.

If you've got specific things you're interested in (you only date girls over 200 pounds, say), then be up front and specific. A vague phrase like "I like to have fun, hang out with my friends and party," doesn't tell the other person anything at all about you, and will likely net you more of the wrong responses than the right ones. "I like to have fun in S&M clubs, hang out with my friends in fishnets and party with horse tranquilizers" is a bit more direct, though that may produce a smaller pool of respondents.

Describe yourself honestly, but accentuate the positive.

It doesn't make sense to talk about your six-figure salary and your rock-hard abs if you've got neither, but there's also no need to bring up the fact that you've just been fired and haven't gotten laid since the last Olympics. Confidence is attractive, so talk yourself up honestly, avoiding anything that sounds negative. She'll find out you're a douchebag soon enough; no need to scare her away from the outset.

 

Keep it light.

Most girls are looking for a guy that can make them laugh and doesn't take himself too seriously. If you have a tendency toward long-winded introspection or are on a serious daily regimen of antidepressants, leave that aside for the moment. Try telling specific things that make you more interesting than the average guy -- the fact that you just ran a marathon or traveled abroad will give her something to respond to, rather than to contemplate with empathy.

 

Don't be explicit.

Even if your intentions are on the sleazy side, talking about the strength of your pocket rocket and how good her breasts are going to look in your hands isn't going to get you anywhere. There will be plenty of time for dirty talk later if your listing is successful. Be respectful and don't be the guy who wrote a listing that gets profiled on Web sites for its utter ridiculousness.

 

Remember that anyone can find it.

Your picture is on your profile, so it's connected to you. So don't write anything that would potentially embarrass your family, friends and coworkers. If it's Craigslist's Casual Encounters, you'll probably want to post a picture of your wang, but think twice if it has any distinguishing markings or blemishes.



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